SimpleReminders.com
"To
get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter
how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over. It
can hurt you no more."— Mandy Hale
Our
new book: www.SimpleReminders.info
Another book written to
make money for the author with no relevance. It is another of the million ways
the survivor is told to just get over it – leave the past in the past. This
point of view admonishes the survivor while promoting and comforting the perpetrator.
I will process. I will
integrate. I will become whole. I will heal. The past will never be over. It
will never be over for my perpetrators in this life. Forgiveness is contra
indicated for healing. There is no place they can run to, no place they can
hide, as I pay their debt for them.
You would not believe
the internal process I had to go through this morning. The process of
remembering and connecting the memory to the abuse.
I had to feel a tactile
memory – by definition from the past -- with no other connections to other constructs,
images, emotions, thoughts, sensory memories. In constructivism as opposed to
the failed cognitive theory memories can be repressed via submerging the
connections and constructs to the subconscious level while one or a few constructs
are left in consciousness with no connections to make sense or form a story
from. So, a tactile memory emerging from the subconscious with no other
connecters or constructs can drive a person, particularly if the memory is traumatic
-- off the chart intensity and duration (chronic) unable to be processed in real time and without assistance.
So there it was a memory
coming to consciousness, a flashback of a tactile construct off the chart in intensity
and duration with no connectors to other constructs. I had to consciously identify it as a tactile
memory, connect it to the other emotional memories of being sexually abused by
my mother, and also the thought and image constructs or memories of the same
events. These events were the one on one sexual abuse of me by my mother when I
was aged 4 to 9. I was able to make the connections between the traumatic tactile
feelings and the thoughts emotions and images of the sexual abuse by my mother
and observe them from a state of compassion for self. I’d rather have chewed on
broken glass. To re-experience this tactile stimulation via memory – flashback --
usually leads to reenactment of the abuse which is a behavior that is therapeutic,
but is also destructive of self. . Re-enactment is an attempt to understand the
abuse on the one hand, but also an attempt to gain my mother’s approval and
thus a sense of self
What did I have to do to
heal myself and avoid re-enactment of the abuse? Extend to myself compassion,
the same compassion I freely lavish on others, but have difficulty extending to
myself.
The process of
remembering and healing that I experienced today and last week was facilitated
through compassionate observation. By observing my woundednes, and the judgment
of self that lead to its emergence, I was able to go through the process of
making/uncovering the connections between the constructs of tactile memories,
emotional memories, thought memories, image memories, and other sensory
memories. I was able to heal woundedness
a little bit without it taking the focus and entering into self-destructive
behavior. Woundedness has one goal to reenact the tactile stimulation. The
goals of re-enactment are to understand the abuse, and to seek self-worth
through pleasing my mother as if I were still the 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 year old
child who originally experienced her abuse.
I had just gone through
this process for the third time in two weeks, when I came upon this inane and
discountive post.
When will the cognitive theory
be seen for what it is, a failed theory based on an inaccurate model of the
human mind that chauvinistically attempts to set thought over emotions and thus
repress those emotions. Leaving the past in the past is a cognitive
process that is a method of repression – a pushing away. Repression is mental
illness not mental health.
“Recovery from childhood trauma involves owning the
experiences we have disowned. It includes owning parts of ourselves that we
continue to want to push away. This is a painful process because it means that
we will need to embrace painful realities. Everything in us (and often around
us) tells us that this is not the right path to take. But it is always truth,
no matter how painful, that frees us. Embracing our life experiences and their
ongoing impact on us is the path to freedom and wholeness.” – Juanita Ryan
Copyright FredCelio2014
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