Sunday, June 28, 2015

My Thoughts On The Current State of Neurobiology at Stanford University

The current state of neurobiology and my response to this knitting drivel.

It is my understanding that this man is a professor at Standford University. We're in trouble if that is the case?
Oh he also has a history of taking advatage of sexually abused women and then balming them for their reaction.
Thisi isi Acedmia.
Your understanding of the brain is one of the most antiquated and simplistic analogies I have ever experienced particularly from someone who assumes they are knowledgeable enough about the subject to put pen to paper. The analogy of a knitted garment reminds me of the old mainframe computer technology when in fact data was stored by a series of crossing wires at points where magnetic washers or donuts were placed thus storing the 1s an 0s that make up computer data. the current theory on how the mind works much less the organic brain has advanced to at least replaced in analogy the known parts of a computer CPU, main memory and peripherals. using microchip technology rather than the knitted mainframe wiring
This cognitive theory of the mind rather than the brain is itself antiquated and in accurate in that the brain does not work as a computer processing one instruction or thought at a time thoughts which indeed hold a higher place in the mind than images and emotions and are believed falsely by the cognitivists to drive emotions. All of this is again falsely believed by psychiatry to be driven and controlled by organics the firing and sequence of firing of synapses releasing minute chemicals all of which have not as yet been determined let alone their effect on the human organism.

Therefore your piece is insulting to intelligence.

The more accurate model and hypothesis with the prevailing cognitive theory is that the mind works a s a series of constructs linked together in time, degree and intensity. To yous a computer analogy the mind works more like a relational database than like a cpu main memory and peripherals. .
There is no hierarchy in the constructs is thoughts don’t drive emotions in fact it is more often that the contrary is true emotions drive thoughts, images exist as constructs as well and thoughts as other constructs all of these are connected these constructs it is the constructs their capacities and their connections in time space and degree that give meaning to these mental formations. It is not a case where the organic function produces a thought which drives the synapses in a certain way, but the constructs the mental formations of the mind — the software — that drive the synapses the synapses merely reflect the actions of the mental formations made up of of constructs and their connections. This is the competing hypothesis that will one day override the cognitive theory which is on the way out as it tries to co-opt and adopt aspects of constructivism, but of course they cognitivist will find that constructivism does not fit into their cognitive box their way of looking at things inaccurately.
I really don’t get the point of your post other than to insult peoples intelligence and support a nonlocal version of how the mind works.

BTW even if you knitted analogy had some accuracy the organic brina immediately uses it’s excess capacity to initiate new paths so no ability in thought or intelligence or memory is lost as your torn knitted sweater analogy would imply.

I am loved by God;
I am made by God;
I am forgiven by God;
I am accepted by God unconditionally;
I am a child of God;
I am sustained by God;
I am important to God;
I am used by God;
I am enabled by God;
I am destined for God.

Please Doante. I raise money for more articles, building a webpage and supoorting the facebook page, additionally I wil be atteneding a seminar this July to create a non-profit organization to lobby for suruvoiro issues and provide counsoling and other services to those who cannot afford it. As survivors we tend to under live and under earn.

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Friday, June 26, 2015

My Thoughts on the Sixth Anniversary of Michael Jackson's Execution

The TAO 

I will not share his photo, but I will remember yesterday, June 25, 2015 as the sixth anniversary of the execution of MJ -- MIchael Jackson. 

These are my words. 

Like the Tao the Yin and Yang reminds us evil, darkness can appear to be good. The appearance of good the white dot in the darkness of the TAO is how child molesters win the trust of parents and guardians and gather their victims.

If  people like MIchael Jackson appeared as they were they would never gain victims. Their hideousness represented by the dark half of the TAO would overwhelm and all would stay away. They would in fact run and hide from such hideous darkness.

This is the appearance we would see if we could see the darkness of the TAO not the dot of light that these evil entities project. This image also depicts some of the terror experienced by a sexually abused child. This is how the terror experienced as a 4, 5, 6,7,8, 9 year old child is  manifestation in an adult mind during a flashback. The above is the image of molestation. It is turmatic terror. This is the image of evil and unspeakable terror re-experienced at traumatic levels during a flashback. 

Remember it. Burn it into your consciousness as it has been burned into the consciousness of MJ's victims, of all victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse.

For as it is the totality of the TAO of a perception masked by the light of talent and a childlike demeanor these this miniscule dot of light are only the appearance of the perpetrator.  

Likewise this image is only the dot of darkness transferred by the perpetrator by MJ and others into the light of their victims. Terror the real horrifying emotion of terror experienced at levels that no human being should experience and that no human being can process in real time. Transferred with shame that rightly belongs to the perpetrator onto and into the light of the victim the survivor.  

 The whole of the survivor like the whole of the that part of the TAO is an image of light, empathy, genuine kindness and concern for others  and a very real drawing back when anyone else is seen to be hurt. This light of the TAO is the light that shines from every victim every survivor. It is a genuine and immeasurable capacity for love, kindness and  empathy. 

The image of the perpetrator is the reality of the whole of their darkness, the image seen in the survivor is the imprint of the perpetrator and the experience and expression of the terror of a child. A terror that cannot be adequately explained to an adult who has not experienced it. 

MJ had enormous talent and the ability to appear childlike, this is the bit of light in his darkness. Like the dot of light in the Tao this attracted victims to him, and then emerged the darkness the evil person he and all perpetrators really are transferred with shame (n emotion that transcends excessive guilt and an  emotion that only survivors of sexual abuse experience.. 

As with the other side of the Tao, the light those with overwhelming light, the victims, the survivors have the dot the appearance of darkness to others, and yet even as we are maligned, as we are gaslighted, as sick as mentally ill, as liars by a society that does not understand and in fact protects perpetrators and; we are in fact represented by the light of our half of the TAO the kindest most loving and empathetic of people. We appear dark to others because we stand up and speak the horrible unspeakable truth the reality of what was done to us, pointing the finger of blame at those who appear by society's standards as stalwarts,  as gifted, as sweet. 

MJ was an evil human being, a child of darkness with enormous talent and a childlike nature.  These he used not for good.  He could have stood up with his family as spokesperson for Childhood Sexual Abuse.  But instead he lived up to his evil nature and perpetuated abuse. His talent, his success his sweetness mean nothing in the realm of reality only his evil persistence.  It persists in his acts, his cover-ups his attempts to buy silence. And it exists in the pain, betrayal, terror, shame and undeserved consequences of his victims. 

His family should have done something to stop him, but they we more interested in his earthly wealth than his spiritual poverty.

The day his time on earth was ended was a day that a bit of evil left this planet. 

The work of the good Doctor, Conrad Murray,  who graciously put him to sleep for us all, lives on. Who knows how many victims he saved?  His personal sacrifice going to prison should be celebrated.

He Doctor Conrad Murray is the one to be celebrated on this day. 

Remember the lesson of the Tao the Yin and the Yang.

Celebrate June 25th as a triumph of good over evil. 

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Monday, June 22, 2015

Pete Walker, Patrick Carnes and the Industry of Survivor Exploitation

"Watch out now take care beware of greedy leaders, they take you where you should not go” – George Harrison Beware of Darkness,

Trauma is caused by emotional experiences that are off the chart not within the zone where emotions can be dealt with in real time, and not simply just outside of the zone of normal emotional experience but off the chart -- traumatic -- not simply experiences of neglect or emotional abuse, but traumatic levels of emotion.  These include emotions that are generally considered unpleasant and difficult to deal within  even at levels within an individual's window of tolerance to deal with in real-time. Betrayal, loneliness, terror abandonment, grief these are a few of these emotions, emotions that individuals find unpleasant dealing with  if in degree and intensity they are within the window of tolerance. Trauma is experiencing these same emotions difficult to deal with or process to absorb as  part of the human experience and move on in real time with life, trauma means the degree and intensity of these and other emotions are not just outside the window of tolerance but off the chart.  That is trauma experiencing emotions that are unpleasant and difficult to deal with within a human being's window of tolerance to a degree and intensity that is not just outside the window of tolerance but off the chart of experience off the chart of human experience unpleasant intolerable emotions to a degree and in an intensity that they cannot be processed in real time, cannot be processed without help and indeed the normal processing remembering and absorbing them as a part of experience and then moving on itself involves experiencing the same emotions at the same traumatic levels. Thus everything in the human experience invites a trauma survivor to avoid experiencing and processing absorbing the reality of these emotions and the experiences that evoked them, every human defense mechanism comes into play to avoid processing absorption --- which is also known as healing. This is trauma. 

Well at least it is part of the trauma story. The other part involves the physical organism ther neurological system reacts to emotions felt at levels with the window of tolerance and in degree and intensity this same neurological system reacts in a traumatic way to traumatic emotions. 

This is not to say that the physical organism is permentaly damaged or impared, it can heal just as the mind can heal, but it takes long painful hideous work to process emaotions and heal the neurological system from that which the mind tried to protect it and itself to begin with. 

And Trauma can be healed. Those who have experienced trauma are not emotionally disturbed, they are not dysfunctional they are not mentally ill. They are in fact perfectly normal. They we have reacted in a way alll of our symptoms are perfectly normal given what we expereinced or in the case of Childhood sexual abuse what was done to us.  Perfect;y normal reactions to truamatic emotions and the events that produced them In fact given the above and our survival we can be said to be not just normal, but exceptional.

There are those who would see us otherwise and who would attempt to profit from it. These are perpetrators as much as if the had molested us or caused other trauma themselves. 

They are unscrupulous profiteers who would deny our pain our healing indeed our very existence in order to line their pockets with our pain. They are perpetrators and they are sadists --- they thought their writing and selling books for profit keep us in pain and in fact enjoy our pain.

Two such perpatraors at Patrcik Carnes and Pete Walker.

Complex PTSD is a phrase coined by Judith Herman to describe repeated trauma (Chronic) or trauma that is very old. The symptoms of Complex PTSD if it  exists  have not been sufficiently differentiated from the symptoms of PTSD to warrant a second and separate diagnoseswhich would require a separate DX code in the Diagnostics and Statistical Manual, and in fact within the medical profession. Therefore the is no legitimate reason  nor sound psychological medical definition to attach to the phrase Complex PTSD -- it is a buzz word -- a word that everyone has their own meaning for and yet has no precise definition

Judith Herman MD

Having said this it is improper for a properly credentialed person to write about a diagnosis that does not exist. Additionally, it is unconscionable for professionals to write about CPTSD. CPTSD does not exist.

 Moreover it is exploitive for improperly credentialed individuals to write about  a diagnosis that does not yet exists, let alone "treat" such a non-existent "disorder." 

What do Patrick Carnes and Pete Walker write about? 

What do they "treat?"

A made up condition which exists only in their minds. If these  unconscionable practitioners are writing about and treating conditions that do not yet exist they become exploitive of those who suffer from true condition of PTSD or my preference PTSS,  the diagnoses that do exist and for which there is legitimate and proven treatment. To wirte about a non-existent condition and then to "treat" it is to dent real healing to those who need it by diverting them from the legitimate to the fantastical. 

People like Carnes and Walker become then no better than the snake oil  salesmen of old who sold opium derivatives for every potential disease or discomfort. The result is that the exploiters the snake oil sales people become wealthy, while those suffering from a legitimate condition never get healed, but instead felt better for short periods of time. In the case of snake oil these people feel better because of the opium they are drinking. Of course when the does wears off the need more and more and more, but never really heal.  Thier legitimate condition is never healed because it is never addressed.  One cannot be healed by snake oil. 

The same is true for charlatans like Carnes and Walker.  In the case of modern day pop-psychological sales people the sufferer feels better because chasing a therapy that does not exist because the diagnoses does not exist provides temporary relief through  to the suffer. BUt this relief is not from healing but from avoiding the problem. Avoiding the reality of trauma provides temporary relief, this is why as stated above sufferers will pursue every available human defense mechanism to avoid healing from trauma. As with the snake oil drinkers though they never heal. If one suffer from cancer and drinks opium laced sanke oil they will feeel bettwer maybe even for years, but the cancer as with the turama experenced by a trauma survivor does not heal it does not go away it grows and continues to affect the sufferes life.  

Avoidance of  the difficult and painful work it takes to heal from trauma the legitimate DSM DX code of PTSD (308.9) provides momentary relief, because the healing work which is painful is being avoided.

Those who have experienced trauma, especially those who have experienced it from Childhood Sexual abuse are particularly susceptible to avoidance. Why?

A- the healing work is so painful that and the natural inclination of any human being is to avoid pain.

B- The healing work in trauma requires remembering these painful experiences so the conscious mind that has repressed these painful experience produces a a new painful experience in the conflict between the conscious mind aht wants to avoid the pain of retrieving these memories at all costs and the conscious mind whose only desire is to remember and permanently eradicate the pain through remembering and absorption. It is the unconscious mind that drives healing.

Trauma is caused by emotional experiences that are off the chart not within the zone where emotions can be dealt with in real time, and not simply just outside of the zone of normal emotional experience but off the chart -- traumatic -- not simply experiences of neglect or emotional abuse as Walker asserts, but terror, betrayalloneliness, untold inexpressible grief a greif like being on fire from the inside out. Walker has no concept of any of this. We are not talking about neglectful parents here, as walker does in his book,  who did the best the could, we are talking about criminal child abuse, parents who the very best they could muster was criminal child abuse, parents who belong in the penitentiary

Pete Walker is an MFT he does not have the credentials necessary to speak or write about Complex PTSD nor the professional expertise to refrain from writing about CPTSD since it has not been proven to exist yet, nor to my knowledge a hypothesis regarding CPTSD nor experimentation to differentiate the symptoms in degree and intensity of CPTSD from PTSD. 

Pete Walker writes books to make money. By purchasing these books survivors enrich Pete Walker while focusing on an mirage that talks about healing. There is no healing in Walker's work just as there is no medicine in snake oil, quite the contrary there is a comfortable and comforting avoidance of the hard, hideously painful work it takes to absorb and integrate the unthinkable and become whole. 

Pete Walker is exploitative of survivors. He takes our money while pontificating on subjects he knows nothing about, and with an MA is not credentialed to write about. . Thus he takes on the role of perpetrator himself and supports society's ontological perspective that supports abuse, ie, he diverts attention from healing for profit. 

Patrick Carnes is an EdD not a clinical psychologist and also has a longer history than Pete Walker of writing books that are exploitative of survivors

Dr. Carnes went so far in is older book, "Out of the Shadows" as to label survivors as sex addicts. Thus missing an opportunity to contribute to the diagnoses and healing of CSA by 

A- not using the term "addict" metaphorically (which has no place in scientific discourse as it means a physiological reaction to an opiate and thus is meaningless as he uses it, except sex as "addiction" is profitable for Dr. Carnes to treat) and 

B-providing an element a symptom sexual promiscuity and calling it "addiction" he avoids real help what is really needed. And  what is sporely needed and has been needed for decades is an accurate assessment for Childhood Sexual abuse that includes the symptom of promiscuity. He could have promulgated something really helpful an assessment. Instead he chose to exploit survivors by focusing on "addiction" as a disorder, and he did it to make money -- to exploit survivors for personal gain thus making himself a perpetrator of Childhood Sexual Abuse. 

C. the lurid stories contained in his book actually promote the symptom and discredit healing. 

Labeling CSA survivors as sex "addicts" only diverts their attention from real healing methods by sending them down a path that addresses symptoms and thus diverts attention from the real issue. This negative self labeling  "I'm  a sex addict" with a pejorative term having a social stigma. This labeling of "flashbacks" or repetition of the abuse, ie, sexual promiscuity as "addictrion" serves only to shame (another truamatic emotion and one that only survivors know ie it is not excessive guilt but self hatered) shames the victim. 

So as with Pete Walker Patrick Carnes also is a perpetrator by exploration of survivors for personal profit. They both provide paths for avoidance and in the case of Dr Carnes actually shame the victim by equating sexual acting out a perfectly normal response to CSA and a replication of the abuse and as flashback, with "addiction." 

Avoid these two so called authors they will set your healing back for however much time you follower their teachings and then have to conceptually deprogram from their nonsense. 

Get Real and Heal!

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Sunday, May 3, 2015

Childhood Sexual Abuse

Many consider survival from Childhood Sexual Abuse and the symptoms exhibited to be mental illness. PTSD or my preference PTSS, Trauma, bi polar, etc. I do not consider the symptoms of Childhood Sexual Abuse to be anything other than perfectly normal responses to the abuse. I am not disordered, dysfunctional, mentally ill or addicted -- I am an incest survivor. 

I was sexually abused on a continuous basis by all the adults in my life. My maternal grandfather sodomized me multiple times, my maternal grandmother sexually abused me through objectification dressing me in women s underwear and applying enemas to prepare me for her husband, she also attempted to murder me at 4 years old when I told her that grandpa had sexually assaulted me by sodomizing me in the middle of the night, my mother continuously sexually assaulted me individually and in groups that included my siblings and neighborhood children, and my father sexually assaulted on multiple occasions between the ages of 4 and 9. So you see there is nothing wrong with my symptoms are perfectly normal responses to continuous sexual assault from all the adults in my life between the ages of 4 and 9.I did not grow up in a family I escaped from an incest ring. I do not care what motivates perpetrators, I care about healing survivors and seeing perpetrators incarcerated. I care about seeing government and social entities having the power to intrude on the sanctity of the family to put a stop to this nonsense. 

Although revered in American culture to the point of worship, the family is not so sacred as to be above the law, nor is it above surveillance and intrusion to put a stop to sexual abuse that is epidemic in the USA. I am not merely committed to these principles to eliminate this violence and all forms of domestic violence, I am militant. 

Any institution any fellowship that does not support these goals and principles supports Childhood Sexual Abuse and family violence. These sorts of institutions are rampant in our society, they need to be exposed and invited to change, otherwise using every legal means available they should be dismantled. Here is one who supports childhood sexual abuse, the Gov. of California Jerry Brown. By his veto of SB 131 last year he indicated his support for childhood sexual abuse. His veto statement was particularly offensive to me and all survivors of CSA. Bear this in mind should he seek higher office. Hillary Clinton has been a friend to survivors in the past, let us see of she remains so. Childhood Sexual Abuse is as serious an issue as any in any campaign. 

The fact that it is not recognized as such does not speak to the seriousness and prevalence of the issue, but to societies willingness to ignore it. 1 in 3 females and 1 in 6 males are sexually abused as children this is epidemic. Their symptoms weigh on society but most importantly on them, often they never get a chance to heal and many because of dissociation amnesia and the prevalence to misdiagnose and the sanctity of the family. --never even know they were abused, and yet exhibit symptoms and suffer horrendous consequences not the lest of which is blame and being mis labeled. and misdiagnosed. They are swept under the rug so that American society can keep its smugness and pride and sanctity that doesn't deserve as it as it promotes the hidden cesspool of family sexual assault and violence.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The History of Misdiagnoses Part 1

How are sexual abuse survivors often mis-diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. (in 25 words or less). Childhood Sexual Abuse survivors are often mis-diagnosed, because there is no assessment for childhood sexual abuse. Not because it wouldn't be simple to asses, there are a number of symptoms abuse survivors exhibit which if taken as a whole would clearly point to the fatc that the individual had been sexually abused as a child. People usually seek help based on the manifestation of a single symptom. for abuse survivors this may be a cycling between states of hypo and hyper arousal -- these can easily be seen as a mild form of bi-polar which is a cycling between a depressive and a maniac state. Since bi-polar has an assessment and CSA does not whala the abuse survivor is diagnosed with bi-polar and medicated, thus the perpetrators win because CSA is not diagnosed the survivor is no on mental heath medication and perpetrators are enabled by the medical profession to (gaslight their victim) point the finger at the one on meds in the family -- the crazy one.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Survive Childhood Sexual Abuse: Anxiety is Perfectly Normal

Survive Childhood Sexual Abuse: Anxiety is Perfectly Normal

Anxiety is Perfectly Normal

As human beings and survivors we feel emotions. As for myself I have spent a lifetime trying ignore how I felt, instead of embracing what I felt and takening the emotions back to the abuse experiences. And not even this is my fault because I did not at the level of consciousness even know what they did to me. to be like being on fire ... on the inside. Oddly as I embrace my emotions some considered by many to be negative they ebbed and flowed and eventually disparate became a part of my experience connected to their cause. I have come a long way and am now able to differentiate that ball of emotions from myself and to differentiate some of the different emotions that are balled up and on fire and that were burning me to a crisp inside out.

Anxiety in anticipation of new situations is perfectly normal for me as a survivor it appears every Tuesday in anticipation of meeting with my therapist. I have been conditioned to associate closeness with having the rug pulled out from under me, by a childhood surrounded by adults that everyone in society told me should have been trust worthy and they were not they were perpetrators. They took my childlike trust supported by their societal roles and stomped all over it leaving me alone hurt betrayed and bewildered.. The so called negative emotions I experience are all perfectly normal and traceable to what they did to me. and perfectly normal -- I am not diseased, mentally ill, disordered or dysfunctional everything even the crushing symptoms and the consequences are not my fault. They my family my perpetrators are 100% to blame for all of it. As a survivor I pay the debt they incurred, This is how I heal, by realizing the truth living in reality and reclaiming they autonomy they tried to steal. Forgiveness doesn't enter into it .  Forgiveness is canceling the debt they incurred. In order to heal I cannot cancel it I must pay it in full. I am the normal one; they are the abnormal evil ones. I am the one that is more than normal I am truly awesome a warrior for myself and others, heck they even tried to kill me and failed, they are the failures I am the success. Sometimes I shout it, I am normal, I have reacted in a way that is perfectly normal given what they did to me. I hurt, I am normal!. My very pain is proof that I am normal -- not sick diseased disordered or dysfunctional in any way. It hurts I AM NORMAL!

I was the subject of their profound abuse, and yet I live, know the truth speak the truth and live in reality I survive, they failed.

It helps me to remember and I use the term YOU rhetorically here for anyone who would try to suggest that I am other than normal or doing it wrong -- IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK; ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT THEY DID TO ME! This is autonomy, this is survival -- this is healing.