Thursday, November 27, 2014
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Leave The Past In The Past
SimpleReminders.com
"To
get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter
how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over. It
can hurt you no more."— Mandy Hale
Our
new book: www.SimpleReminders.info
Another book written to
make money for the author with no relevance. It is another of the million ways
the survivor is told to just get over it – leave the past in the past. This
point of view admonishes the survivor while promoting and comforting the perpetrator.
I will process. I will
integrate. I will become whole. I will heal. The past will never be over. It
will never be over for my perpetrators in this life. Forgiveness is contra
indicated for healing. There is no place they can run to, no place they can
hide, as I pay their debt for them.
You would not believe
the internal process I had to go through this morning. The process of
remembering and connecting the memory to the abuse.
I had to feel a tactile
memory – by definition from the past -- with no other connections to other constructs,
images, emotions, thoughts, sensory memories. In constructivism as opposed to
the failed cognitive theory memories can be repressed via submerging the
connections and constructs to the subconscious level while one or a few constructs
are left in consciousness with no connections to make sense or form a story
from. So, a tactile memory emerging from the subconscious with no other
connecters or constructs can drive a person, particularly if the memory is traumatic
-- off the chart intensity and duration (chronic) unable to be processed in real time and without assistance.
So there it was a memory
coming to consciousness, a flashback of a tactile construct off the chart in intensity
and duration with no connectors to other constructs. I had to consciously identify it as a tactile
memory, connect it to the other emotional memories of being sexually abused by
my mother, and also the thought and image constructs or memories of the same
events. These events were the one on one sexual abuse of me by my mother when I
was aged 4 to 9. I was able to make the connections between the traumatic tactile
feelings and the thoughts emotions and images of the sexual abuse by my mother
and observe them from a state of compassion for self. I’d rather have chewed on
broken glass. To re-experience this tactile stimulation via memory – flashback --
usually leads to reenactment of the abuse which is a behavior that is therapeutic,
but is also destructive of self. . Re-enactment is an attempt to understand the
abuse on the one hand, but also an attempt to gain my mother’s approval and
thus a sense of self
What did I have to do to
heal myself and avoid re-enactment of the abuse? Extend to myself compassion,
the same compassion I freely lavish on others, but have difficulty extending to
myself.
The process of
remembering and healing that I experienced today and last week was facilitated
through compassionate observation. By observing my woundednes, and the judgment
of self that lead to its emergence, I was able to go through the process of
making/uncovering the connections between the constructs of tactile memories,
emotional memories, thought memories, image memories, and other sensory
memories. I was able to heal woundedness
a little bit without it taking the focus and entering into self-destructive
behavior. Woundedness has one goal to reenact the tactile stimulation. The
goals of re-enactment are to understand the abuse, and to seek self-worth
through pleasing my mother as if I were still the 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 year old
child who originally experienced her abuse.
I had just gone through
this process for the third time in two weeks, when I came upon this inane and
discountive post.
When will the cognitive theory
be seen for what it is, a failed theory based on an inaccurate model of the
human mind that chauvinistically attempts to set thought over emotions and thus
repress those emotions. Leaving the past in the past is a cognitive
process that is a method of repression – a pushing away. Repression is mental
illness not mental health.
“Recovery from childhood trauma involves owning the
experiences we have disowned. It includes owning parts of ourselves that we
continue to want to push away. This is a painful process because it means that
we will need to embrace painful realities. Everything in us (and often around
us) tells us that this is not the right path to take. But it is always truth,
no matter how painful, that frees us. Embracing our life experiences and their
ongoing impact on us is the path to freedom and wholeness.” – Juanita Ryan
Copyright FredCelio2014
Friday, November 21, 2014
Saturday, November 15, 2014
The Victim Mentality
Matthew 18 Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)
for Kyle
18 At that hour the disciples came to Jesus, saying: Who thinkest thou is the greater in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And Jesus calling unto him a little child, set him in the midst of them,
3 And said: Amen I say to you, unless you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, he is the greater in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And he that shall receive one such little child in my name, receiveth me.
6 But he that shall scandalize one of these little ones that believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone should be hanged about his neck, and that he should be drowned in the depth of the sea.
7 Woe to the world because of scandals. For it must needs be that scandals come: but nevertheless woe to that man by whom the scandal cometh.
"Recovery from childhood trauma involves owning the
experiences we have disowned. It includes owning parts of ourselves that we
continue to want to push away. This is a painful process because it means that
we will need to embrace painful realities. Everything in us (and often around
us) tells us that this is not the right path to take. But it is always truth,
no matter how painful, that frees us. Embracing our life experiences and their
ongoing impact on us is the path to freedom and wholeness." Juanita Ryan
Survivor and Therapist, National Association for Christian Recovery, (http://www.nacr.org/wordpress/37/recovery-from-childhood-abuse)
I no longer adopt a victim mentality, I did that when I admitted powerlessness, and was
indoctrinated into the 12 step cult religion which I was steered to by ignorant
counselors 29 years ago. I have since deprogrammed. I do not have a victim mentality, I am a victim. There is a difference between
being a victim and adopting a victim mentality. One involves choice the other
does not.
I am not responsible for my circumstances, my abusers are. I
was sexually abused by all the adults around me between the ages of 4 and 9. I
did not grow up in a family, I escaped from an incest ring. My mother, my
father, my maternal grandmother, and my maternal grandfather all sexually
abused me on a continuous basis. In their world, I was born to satisfy their evil
desires and pleasures. Desires and pleasures that I do not understand nor do I
feel the need to even investigate. The
reason I was born was because of their evil intentions for me. They got
together and had me so that they would have a child to sexually abuse. This is the reality that must be absorbed for
me to heal and become whole. To God I was and am a beautiful child and was born
for His love and the purpose He has had for me since the beginning of time.
I am not responsible for my circumstances nor the hideous
painful healing work that I must do. Both are 100% the responsibility of my
abusers. Any other stance is not healing and a form of victim blaming which is
self-blaming and I will not do it: not
for you, not for my perpetrators and not for the world. To accept responsibility
for my circumstances, to not admit my victimization nor the fact that being a
victim, I lacked choice are steps away from healing that I am sure would please
the world, but I'm gonna heal.
There is no need for forgiveness to affect my healing.
There is no need for forgiveness to affect my healing.
Forgiveness is canceling a debt, since my healing is dependent
on me paying the bill of my perpetrators’ for them, the debt they incurred but
accept no responsibility for, forgiveness is contra indicated for healing. It's their bill, my perpetrator’s, that I must
pay in order to heal. To forgive them would mean for me to stop the healing work
before it is complete, mouth the words of forgiveness and cancel their
remaining debt, thus leaving me unhealed, fragmented, not whole, susceptible to
the symptoms of PTSS. The same symptoms that drove me to seek healing 29 years
ago. To forgive this kind of evil to cancel this debt before it is paid, would
be to deny the work that God did within me when He created me in His image and
to His likeness. To forgive them, my perpetrators to leave part of the debt
remaining and cancel it would be to allow evil to win. I will facilitate none
of these.
Quit before the debt is paid? I will pay the debt they incurred
in full. But it is not my debt. I will
not forgive them, because having paid their debt for them, there will be
nothing to forgive. Better for them a millstone be hanged around their necks
and they be cast into the sea. But nor will I hang the millstone and do the
casting. That is not my job, and I will
pray to the One who’s job it is to judge to show them His divine mercy.
That is the nature of Childhood Sexual Abuse. The world,
society must stop blaming we survivors/victims
by inviting us to take responsibility – what a ludicrous statement when juxtaposed
against the above. It reveals a world of ignorance. The world must get behind
we survivors and get educated in reality and stop spewing nonsensical
platitudes as if they had some value.
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