Gratitude As Repression

There are many things throughout the day that invoke the emotion of gratitude within me. I do not have to list them as a form of shaming for not focusing on them continually thus neglecting the issues that I must solve. focusing on gratitude is a method of regression repressing those things that are uncomfortable and need to be dealt with fr example the sexual pedration that takes place in the meetings the negative self-labeling the abusive attitude of the group structure itself it's failure rate etc.

The 12 step cult religions must go they dominate the treatment industry and thus blocks real science based treatment and thus actually destroy lives. The 12 steps don't heal; they kill. I am committed to doing everything legally possible to bring about the destruction of the 12 steps and freeing those captured by this cult, started by a drunken acid dropping former stock broker who lost his shirt in the crash of 29 and thus started another scam.

Orange Papers is a platform for exposing and destroying the 12 step cult religion and freeing those still captured, for that I am grateful not just for agent orange and orange papers but the entire anti 12 step movement.

We will prevail. It is a truth, a reality that anything that refuses to change ie the first 164 pages of that big book, will eventually implode and destroy itself. I abhor treatments that are purported to be medical ,don't work and shame and blame the victim for their failure.

The 12 step cult religions are one of the largest cons/scams ever perpetrated on humanity by one of the worlds greatest scam artists. They destroy lives. After 31 years of being miss-diagnosed and regular almost daily attendance studying with the gurus, my life is a shambles. and not from drinking/using, but from hanging out with lower companions in abusive environments in the rooms letting my self esteem being torn down in the name of ego deflation, pretending to believe things without question "fake it till you make it,"

And now having a host of friends who are only to happy to help me as long as I re-indoctrinate into their bull shit cult.

I am committed to using every legal means available for their destruction. Id be willing to bet, and we should look at the numbers, that attendance is dropping since the rise of the anti aa movement and the rise of science based non 12 step treatment.

When I went to treatment for the first time where I didn't belong except to minister to the incest survivors that were channeled into aa,  I was given a big book and 12 x 12 that my insurance company paid 30k for. What a scam. I was surrounded by incest survivors that the CADCs running the "treatment" were not qualified to help. My first day in treatment, my very first process group I entered a young woman was talking about having been molested.  I was  like wtf what am I doing here. Sure am glad this didn't happen to me. Not knowing at the time that I too was a seual abuse survivor.

My sexual abusive started between the ages of 2 and 9.

There was a young man in that first treatment center, who was the child of his father and his sister his whole family was like that. The CADCs did not know what to do' so believe it or not they recruited me to help to facilitate their groups -- absolutely true story from 1985.

The 12 step cult religions need to be destroyed for the good of humanity. I stand with those who  expose these cults for what they are -- religious cults that are abusive and destroy lives/ They must be exposed and destroyed.

My experience in AA
What I was told was you can't talk about this here because child molesters go here AA and they deserve to get sober too. I was told this by more than one member AA/NA. I was told when I did talk about it there that "I" not what I was talking about was an outside issue. I had a sponsor who was child molester. Who insulted my 5th step. I have heard  a man from the podium a deacon at our lady of the assumption catholic church in Pasadena my parish at the time talk about molesting boy scouts from the podium at a meeting in Glendale the one at the rehab center there. I promptly reported him to his boss and the county. Every time I write and talk about this I heal. 

I find it difficult to believe that Bill and Bob did not make the connection between substance abuse and sexual abuse as the core issue. Maybe not in all cases but in many and certainly with any chronic relapser that I have ever met. Even when I had time I always gravitated to the chronic relapsers, they were always my favorites kinder more compassionate and really just more interesting to be with. 

Now having left for therapy EMDR and anti-anxiety medication on a temporary basis I am doing  Plus it's only temporary until I complete the therapy which is going well.and feeling much better even though the therapy is god awful. It would be much easier to go to meetings and pal around with the winners. Of course someone one would likely mention the Xanax which keeps me from disappearing for 9 days to two weeks and ending up terrorized in an emergency room, and is only temporary, while I complete the therapy. Anything is better than the hell of locking myself in a motle room for two weeks and either calling the police on myself or taking a cab to the er.

Then coming back to AA and being shamed continuously and then told to keep coming back. and being hugged unwanted by a potential child molester.

My disappearances were not relapses at all and drink and using were only secondary. Since my abuse started pre-verbal, I re-live the abuse experience in a non verbal fashion in order to understand it. I don't imagine I am much different from many who have found their way to the 12 steps. Over 30 years I've met too many survivors who couldn't get "IT" simply because it was the wrong treatment. Lovely people who because that's all they were used to allowed themselves to be treated like crap by quite frankly complete strangers with no credentials no desire to help and who may have been perpetrators themselves.

As they are found of saying in the step before the steps "this shit has to stop."

Copyright Fred Celio 2016