If I Ever Loved

"If I ever loved a woman, the more I loved her, the more I wanted to hurt her. Frida was only the most obvious victim of this disgusting trait."  Diego Rivera (1886-1957)

Fred Celio

Time is more valuable than diamonds.  Is it worth more than truth, so many treat it thus ...

If I ever loved a woman hurting her would be the last thing I would want to do.  The more I loved her the less I would want her to be even slightly inconvienced, even for her not having to deal with life's mundane, the less I would want to impinge on who she really is. And yet to be loved back to know the same is like a dream. I trust it to be true.  This is who I am.  

Regardless of what happened to me I have emerged intact this way. And yet there are times when remembering -- the unconscious subconscious drive to know the truth has taken precedence. It  is not what it seems or has been judged to be.  It is a form of rugged, brutal, heartless, no holds barred therapy (similar to the original abusive acts themselves) a descent for the mind through the most hideous terrifying threats to myself and others into the core of the truth of what they did. It is the ultimate form of Christian therapy. Not the form but the result. 

It is a journey through the heart of darkness into that place in the soul where the truth has been kept for safe keeping. If it hurt anyone who loved me in return well then, if you love me you will see it for what it was, not as it looks.  Is it too much to ask? Well it is what I am asking. To see it any other way is a lie. Far from what others have said, Jesus never left my side. Exposing the truth to the light. 

There is no explanation needed for the truth only room for misjudgment. My flaw? I love as deeply as I have been hurt. Any character any virtues any value any knowledge of right from wrong are gifts from God.  I certainly did not get them from TV or the ring in which I "grew up" or more precisely escaped from.

My frustration? I cannot redeem the time. Only God can. It remains an unremitting Juggernaut through this "garden" to the end. 

Copyright 2013 Fred Celio