Mother's Day Card
Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers.
I have no reference point for this sort of thing.
Mom, apple pie, cookies, these things allude me.
The emotions evoked by the very word, mother, are not part of my direct experience.
Oh, I have movies and books and poetry and the experience of others
but the woman referred to as mom broke those ties and that relationship long ago.
An so on this Mother's Day 2012
I return to you mom
the gifts you have given me
The gifts of pain and shame and guilt and blame
the gift of self doubt of low self-esteem
the gift of those things I might have achieved if not for you
The gift of hideous, grotesque memories of
unspeakable acts that you perpetrated upon your children
the secrets designed to save yourself and the family reputation at the price of
your children, whom above all else you were charged with putting first protecting
and defending
And most especially the gift of blame and responsibility which you so generously gave me
when
I was a child. For it is I to whom you gave the gift of
responsibility for YOUR criminal behavior
This Mother's day I return that freight bill to you for it is your bill, and I will pay it
no more.
For these things long repressed by an innocent child to retain his innocence in the sickness
that
surrounded him.
Valiantly and courageously he pushed through on his own
and now the truth is exposed to the light and with the help of Our Lord and his mother they
have
been healed.
And so this Mother's day I return to you these gifts of a failed motherhood. For all these
rightly
belong to you the mother not me the innocent child. I will not look for you nor will I cover for
you
anymore.
I retain for myself those things I have overcome and achieved in spite of you.
But there is one which you tried to steal and failed at that one so sweet and beautiful and
innocent and it has recently emerged, regarding that most important of human
relationships.
Because of God you failed even in stealing that although you tried. And even before the
truth
had emerged when I made the attempt to express my feelings to you you put me down for
feeling as I do. And at that time I did not know the truth. Now I do and it remains as sweet
and
beautiful and innocent you have not even tainted it. And yes I am a "school boy" about this
(giggles) and I love it. My hope and confidence in Our Lord remains for it is true that he
does
not give a gift of one to each other and then take it away.
And as always it is the truth that sets us free. I stand courageously and if I have to alone with
God on the truth and not the ideal of mom and apple pie.
So, please take back your gifts which never should have been given to a child.
And rest assured that when you pass, I will not be there. I will however keep the promise I
made to you. Not because I am such a great Catholic, no because you are so deserving, but
because Our Lord commands us to love one another. I will offer my sufferings through this
period in atonement for your deeds, because Our Lord commands that we love one
another,
and that is the only gift I give to you. There is one theft though for which I cannot pay. And
that is
the time you stole from me and those who love me. the time I have had to spend dealing
with
this.
for this you will have to stand before Our Lord. For I am convinced that this is what he was
talking about when he said better for them to have a milstone tied around their neck and
thrown
into the sea. For I am not God, and I cannot redeem the time. Time on this earth is a gift
from
God. It is more precious than Gold, more valuable than diamonds and for me to have have
to
figure this out deal with the cross and heal took time. It robbed my time from those I love
and
who love me the joy of time spent with those who I love and love me. I can only move
forward
with the truth and that love that means so much tome me so deep so true I rely on Our
Lord's
promise that he can redeem the time and that he will not take away so such a beautiful and
desired gift.
Happy Mother's Day 2012
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